Melanie left for college again today, it seemed to strangely normal compared to last years goodbye. She put it simply, the goodbye is only hard when it means that this is the end, that everything changes, that life as we know it will never be the same. Now, we are simply going back to things being normal.
It's really hard being the one that is left behind, I sometimes wish that I was able to start new, to go somewhere for college and have the experience that many many people are starting now. I don't regret the way I am doing things though... I would rather be somewhere familiar that I dislike, than somewhere new with no one I'm friends with that I dislike. Sonoma wasn't the place for me, and the only mistake I made was not trying hard enough in high school/not applying enough places that I actually wanted to go to.
I think this year is going to be a good growing opportunity... to stop relying on other people to be happy and to simply try to find that happiness within myself. It's time to move forward and start a new mindset, I will hopefully have a full time job, full time schooling, and then the internship at BBYO. Keeping busy is always a sure way to pass the time. It's just strange that from here on out, everything will be different... we are adults now. We wont go back to public education and the forced hanging out with people in our grades and feeling like outcasts and just the terrors of high school. Now, its all about the real world. Strange. Just as a side note though, I certainly wouldn't mind having an adult relationship, with a man who loves me. Yeah, that would be lovely.
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